Self Help Flaws - Funeral Eulogies

Recently, I read an article on ThinkSimpleNow.com where the author found her life purpose by imagining her funeral eulogy. She was quite emotional, and realized that she was not going in the direction of where the eulogy she wanted was going.

I've always hated the question, "If you were at your funeral, what would you want people to say about you?"
Thoughts about your own mortality aside, this question is completely abstract and misleading. The real question under this question is, "What do you want to see yourself as?" "Who do you want to be?" There's no way to control what people really think of you, and it would be impolite to go into negative territory. I know this firsthand from going to my father's funeral. I didn't really know him too well, but I got the impression that he wasn't too influential on the community and that he didn't have anyone to vouch for him. So his funeral wasn't just bland, but the priest decided to take some religious leeway and turn my father's death into a lesson about fearing the Lord. Awkward.

I've been to other funerals that weren't so negative, but I don't remember a whole lot about them.

There are other issues I have with this question, which don't pertain to funerals in particular. In my life, I've transitioned friends, careers, and locations multiple times. Even with Facebook, I think my "close friend" network is about five people, and I'm not sure how long that will last. At the time of my funeral, I expect any eulogy to represent a snapshot of my life at that particular point, regardless of who I am today.

Self Destruction in Teeny Bits

I'm definitely having one of those days where it feels like I have no coordination and bad luck.  I'm sure everyone has these days, but for me, the frequency is somewhere like twice a year. And the day can sometimes linger into a week.  For example, in the last day, I've:

Dropped my phone
Dropped my laptop (not far thankfully)
Sent a letter referring to a check that was never written enclosed
Implied to a man that he should try makeup
Died 30 times in a 2 minute Call of Duty match
Bought razor cartridges when I meant to buy disposable razors (online)
Ripped my tights
Got crushed egg shell in the bowl of omelette mixture

Photo credit: Scienceblogs.com

Picked the slowest line at the grocery store
Parked extremely crookedly (i.e. abnormally close to the next car)

Photo credit: Terribleparking.blogspot.com

These things aren't the end of the world by any means, but it feels like they add up - especially when eye-hand coordination is out of reach. It can definitely hit your ego hard, especially if you can normally get through the day without any of these things.

The funniest one of these days (if it wasn't me of course) was when I was at my sink in a college dorm. I opened my cup of piping hot tea, which squirted in my eye. I grabbed my head and howled in pain, and tripped over my phone cord, which wrapped itself around my ankle. Meanwhile I hit my head on the loft and fell to the ground in a comedy of error. How in the heck did I do that to myself?

The things I hate most are the incidents that have really negative consequences because of my own actions. Like putting the incredibly long phone cord within walking reach in the scenario above, or filling the cup beyond its capacity, so that it would squirt out rather than benevolently stay in the cup.

Other things that are hateful, but aren't that bad in the big scheme of things:
Falling (I did this a couple of weeks ago on a run)
Food in teeth
Being pulled over
Telling an awkward joke at work
Ruining your favorite Xbox game disc - why did I turn my Xbox on its side??!
Running a tissue or lipstick through the dryer
Buying bad fruit or vegetables (especially organic)
General extreme clumsiness

Maybe I should figure out why these things happen. Even if I could make these things not happen, I still think that my life is better that they do happen. In my world, crap happens, and it will either be in small or large increments. Things could be worse. Much much worse.
Tomorrow will be another day. :)

Engagement BS

So there will probably be more on this, but weddings and their respective BS was a bigger part of this three-day weekend (or four-day work week, whichever you prefer) than planned. I figured I could get engagement pictures AND invitations done this weekend without too much drama. 

First, while the pictures came out wonderfully, it was a serious time sink of approximately seven hours. I didn't have to eat at TWO sit-down establishments, but steaks are warranted after starving in the 40 degree weather. I felt like a model, who maybe smiled more and not as many changes of clothes. Based on the last 15 times I've had my picture snapshot taken, I calculated professional picture-taking to only last about five minutes. I would have still earned some steaks and returned to looking at and judging others' photography online.

I mentioned I ate at two restaurants. The first was a delicious sushi-steak place with background euro-trance music. Those kinds of places are the best to eat during the day when there's no one to fight for the waiter's short attention span. You'd think a short attention span would be fantastic in the food industry, but I think I'm confusing attention and apathy.

Anyway, I'll continue with the invitations tomorrow.

-L

"Are you a hypnotist?"