Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Movie Lineup Demise

Last night we went from watching the Bourne Identity to TimeCop to Anaconda. That's like starting off the evening with surf n turf at a fancy restaurant, then getting Taco Bell, then garbage out of the can (or maybe leftovers from the work fridge).

In case you are unfamiliar with TimeCop and why it's a bad movie, it's got Jean Claude Van Damme traveling through time to save his wife and house, which is the creepiest house ever built. The "future" of 2004 has cars that drive themselves and all white kitchens. Neither flat screen or cell phone was available yet though.

Photo credit, Jean Claude Van Damme, courtesy of

Anaconda was more horrible because Jon Voight was supposed to play one of those crazy John Locke characters who "knows the river" and has an indistinguishable accent. The accent requires him to make the Mean PacMan face, which is priceless. Also, Ice Cube and JLo (pre-makeup, surgery, pimping out her twins) were in this movie, so we pretty much know who did the soundtrack, if there is one.

Photo credit: Jon Voight, courtesy of

"There's an evident lack of light tonight"